Riiiight. Well, I'm sorry I haven't updated very much (Read: AT ALL), but between building a Steampunk guitar and Much Celebrating the End Of School, I haven't had much time to do much.
In any case, I'll start this post/entry/whatever with a small status update. One: I intend to sleep a lot over the next few days. Two: The Guitar is looking AWESOME. Three: Mister Denny and myself have created at least three poteneial memes, which kept us up for most of the night.
I have a gun.
ANYWAY. Moving on. There are a couple of things I wish to address in this blog. One: TWILIGHT AND IT'S FANDOMS. *Sparkle*
Two: [I can't remember. I'll think of it sooner or later]
Right. Twilight.
Personally, I have nothing against the first book. In fact, I rather enjoyed it. It was sappy, blatantly clichéd and obviously a Wish-Fulfillment Storyline, It was nonetheless entertaining if you didn't think about it too much.
However, the rest were less than satisfying, and Breaking Dawn? Just... No.
However, when you observe the eternal conflict between the Haters and the Die-Hard Fans, You realise what has happened.
People LIKE horrible plots. They LOVE Boring, flat characters. There is something about the average human brain that doesn't WANT something challenging or inventive, they just want plots that are simple, so that they can fit thier tiny heads around it. It would explain Home and Away.
I'm fine with that. I don't hate, I perfectly appreciate that some people may still like Twilight and enjoyed it, like I myself did. But...
Then there's the Die-Hard Fans.
The thing is, honestly, that Twilight is a mediocre peice of fiction. It isn't inventive, when really looked at it's disturbing, the characters are hardly special at all and the entire books were basically an excuse for Rock-Hard Sparkly Vampire Secks. This is why you can imagine my eternal frustration when i hear people comparing it to Harry Potter (A series of books that are neverthless extremely well written and deserving of thier status), or calling it 'Classic Literature'. No, sorry. It's Airport Fiction. Sunday Morning television.
But that's just irritation... Much more terrible things are afoot here.
Let's take a look at them, shall we? The first weird thing is that MILLIONS of (obviously sexually-frustrated) girls LUST after Edward, an INCREDIBLY Whiny, Uninteresting bastard whose practices of 'Courtship' would, in real life, get him locked up. A closer look at it reveals:
Stalking: He actually follows Bella around town (In the VAMPIRE VOLVO OF GREAT JUSTICE), breaks into her bedroom and watches her sleep. VERY. FUCKING. CREEPY.
Purely Lustful Intent: Almost. He and Bella share practically no interests whatsoever, so why is he attracted to her? HE WANTS TO NOM ON HER SWEET-SWEET BLOOD. When Bella Finally DOES become a vampire, they spend an entire day having sex. Stephanie Meyer has shown quite avidly that she has never taken a biology class, as not only is Bella apparently turned into a vampire via 'Venom' somehow, She and Edward have sex in the first place. Let me add something here; Edward has no heartbeat, therefore no blood movement. It has almost been stated that he has no blood. HOW then, can he get an erection? A process requiring BLOOD.
Also, apparently his Semen is, like, 200 years old, but let's not go there. I've proved my point.
Abuse: Obvious. No only is he completely contradictory in his behavior (Basically saying 'stay away from me' while winking and undoing his trousers), he is a complete ASS is terms of personal consideration. Apart from the obvious examples of Stephanie Meyer's gratuitous porn insertions, which leave Bella bruised and battered, Edward seems to enjoy killing shit. As a Vampire, this would be excuseable if he didn't WHINE about it afterwards, and then turn around an Emotionally abuse his 'love' (God knws there's already too much angst in the story).
Other insinuation are that not only are girls ATTRACTED to this shit, but they seem to place higher value on how rock-solid and uncomfy (Not to mention FREEZING COLD) thier boyfriend's chest is, how pretty they look and How physically adept they are. Of course, Edwards has graduated many times (but never seems to show more than average Teenage Intelligence), But apart from that he is boring. As hell. *Sparkles* (Please try to tell me THAT'S natural.)
The second rather disturbing thing about Twilight is, again, about the fans.
Many of them are apparently ready to KILL for it.
Of course, this is second-hand information. I've heard stories ranging from Stabbings, to dousings with hydrochloric acid, to two of them trying to throw someone off a BRIDGE. I've met my fair share of Twitards, and none of them have yet tried to kill me, but thier psychology is nonetheless disturbing. They claim Twilight is the best book ever and I ask them about people like Terry Pratchett, JRR Tolkien, JK Rowling, Phillip Pullman or Douglas Addams and they look at me with complete incomprehension.
I regret to announce, my firends, that Literature as a free medium is dying. It is something I like to call The Hollywood Effect. Have you SEEN how many vampire books are out recently? It's blatant catering, just like in hollywood (Most blatantly seen with the Pixar/Dreamworks standoff. A Bug's Life/Antz, Finding Nemo/Shark Tale, you know the drill). Your book has a chance of success if it fits in with the current retard popularity polls, if you're enough of a cookie-cutter, cardboard-scenery, Spectacle-instead-of-plot Current Success Clone, and very little chance otherwise. What happened to Dracula? What happened to Romeo and Juliet? (Compare that and Twilight and I will eletrocute you via crocodile-clamp jumper cables attached to your nipples)
Here's an excersise: The Vampyre, By John Polidori. The original and defining vampire novel.
And here I must stop. I have vented enough for today (and boy did it feel good!)
Unfortunately, I cannot yet remember what on earth I was going to talk about next, but this entry seems substantial enough. Until next time, for a less vitriolic and more happyhappy entry!
Fortune and Favors,
~James Brown
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